2 January 2011

The Worst films of 2010

Dishonourable mentions: Date Night, RED, Robin Hood, Little Fockers, The Karate Kid, Marmaduke, Remember Me

10. Tooth Fairy

A spectacularly lazy family affair; and one that triggered little enthusiasm or traction at the box-office. The script is unsuccessful and the production design very amateurish. Dwayne Johnston goes the Arnie route by lampooning his tough guy image, the results are pretty awful. Perhaps he should try and find some new representation, because this is the sort of hooey that kills careers fast.

9. Leap Year

As a native of Ireland I should probably be offended by the stereotypical depiction of the country featured in “Leap Year”, but sadly the rest of the film is so bad I really can’t bring myself to care. Amy Adams and Matthew Goode waste their talents via a screenplay that jerks them across the emerald isle in an intolerably clich├ęd and laugh free fashion. It is utter drivel, but sadly not the worst rom-com of the year. Oh, and if it’s a 2010 Adam Scott performance you’re looking for, skip this crap and rent the unstoppably fun “Piranha 3D”.

8. Jonah Hex

This western was probably the biggest commercial disaster of the year, and it also deservedly fared poorly with critics. A potent example of what can occur when studios start interfering behind the scenes; “Jonah Hex” is a mess of bad editing, uncertain direction and even unnecessary padding despite its brief 80 minute runtime. Josh Brolin will doubtless think twice before committing to a blockbuster again, after all, this one’s so inept it can’t even make Megan Fox as a prostitute appealing.

7. Edge of Darkness

I have no doubt that “Edge of Darkness” is the most disappointing film on the list (only “Jonah Hex” runs it close), primarily because it promised so much. The return of Mel Gibson as a leading man? Yes! Martin Campbell to direct for the first time since “Casino Royale”? Yes! A thriller that had me practically nodding off in the cinema? YES! Don’t bother with this monstrously tiresome bore.

6. Just Wright

I admire Queen Latifah, but like so many other appealing screen presences she doesn’t make it half hard. Here she takes the leading role as a singleton that ends up falling for a famous basketball player, a man who also happens to be dating Latifah’s sister. The screen chemistry between Latifah and Common (who gives one of the year’s most stilted turns) is non-existent, whilst the script simply works its way through a long line of obvious and unfunny genre staples before climaxing on a dud note. It’s lower than “Leap Year” simply because that movie at least had a bit of energy amidst its awfulness; “Just Wright” flat lines from the get go.

5. Vampires Suck

Having concocted such abominations as “Meet the Spartans” and “Epic Movie” in the past, the spoof obsessed Friedberg and Seltzer should be pretty happy that their latest isn’t lower down the list. “Vampires Suck” is actually okay for about 8 minutes, but it then quickly devolves into the same unbelievably juvenile tone and features the same cringe inducing comic missteps the rest of its creators’ work entails. It also wastes Ken Jeong, which is in my mind at least is a pretty hefty cinematic crime.

4. Killers

It’s the third rom-com on this list, but shockingly it’s not the last. Proving that Katherine Heigl is to movies as toxic waste is to oceans; “Killers” teams up the actress with the equally irksome Ashton Kutcher (delivering a possible career worst performance here). The first act of the movie is hideously rushed, a problem enhanced by the fact the leading thespians have no chemistry together. Its attempts to blend bawdy humour and action together are crap (especially because none of the comedy is actually funny), and despite an improved finale the film can’t sustain audience interest for 5 minutes, let alone 100. It was designed purely to make every lazy sod involved just a little bit richer, but thankfully it flopped at the box-office. A welcome sense of Karma is in the air with this one.

3. The Human Centipede: First Sequence

We’ve all heard about this one, right? How sick and puerile it is, and how anybody courageous enough to watch will need a barf bag? However nobody seems content to label it as the wimpiest film of the year, a title it completely deserves. Tom Six’s body horror shocker offers zero tension, and flees at any chance it has to properly disgust its audience. The only joy comes from Dieter Laser’s hysterically camp performance, but sadly the laughs garnered are totally unintentional. “The Human Centipede” is a cheat from start to finish.

2. The Bounty Hunter

Gerard Butler is tragically bad at the best of times, but combining him with reprehensible filmmaker Andy Tennant, an inert screenplay and a jobbing Jennifer Aniston was never going to work. “The Bounty Hunter” lands victim to the same action/comedy tropes that wrecked “Killers”, only this time the funny elements are even harder to detect. Butler is of course shit, and the usually genial Aniston continues to sadden audiences worldwide with her misjudged script selections. A flavourless and massively overlong dullard of a picture, “The Bounty Hunter” is one of the blandest experiences I’ve had in a multiplex for years.

1. The 41-year old Virgin who knocked up Sarah Marshall and felt superbad about it.

Yes this movie does exist. Yes it is as insufferably execrable and tortuous as it sounds. Making Friedberg and Seltzer look like Edgar Wright would seemingly be an impossible act, but the filmmakers behind this DTV abortion managed it. This is far more likely to induce vomit than “The Human Centipede”. It’s crass beyond belief, and has all the wit of month old mucus. Proof if ever there has been that God gave up years ago.

Daniel Kelly, 2011


top free movies said...

Most enjoyable because once again, Hollywood shows how much it has run out of fresh ideas.

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